We are experiencing a time in our lives unlike anything we have experienced before.  Our way of living has changed significantly and we have been isolated and unable to connect with one another due to quarantine and social distancing.  When isolated and unable to connect with others we begin to experience anxiety, depression, and feelings of being unsafe.  During this time of COVID and social unrest we may also experience hopelessness, high stress, and fear.  Here is some helpful information to assist you in finding some balance and better cope during an uncertain time.

1. Get creative.

For some of you this is easy, and for some of us this is a challenge (like me!).  Creativity comes in all forms.  Find something that allows the creative side of your brain to wake up.  Some examples are cooking, coloring with adult coloring books, creating a couple of favorite music playlists, download old photos and create an online photo album, or baking.  Research has shown that creativity helps significantly with mental health. Find what works for you and light that beautiful brain of yours up!

2. Stretch your body.

This is as simple as it sounds and really good for you too!  Not only that, you feel good right after the stretching!  So, you’ve been inside and maybe less active than usual and this causes you to start folding in on yourself.  Start unfolding by stretching and making your body big again (or restore it to its rightful size 😊).  Just regular stretching.  Nothing fancy here.  Include your fingers and toes, spread them wide.  Stretch you’re legs and toes out when you’re sitting down.  Stretch all parts of you throughout the day.

3. Go outside.

Even if for 15 minutes (I recommend 30), go outside every day unplugged.  Let your body move in the outdoors, breathe in the fresh air, listen for the birds, watch for cloud animals in the sky… just be present with yourself while experiencing the outdoors. Be intentional about the movements you make and notice the sounds and smells around you. Engage your senses. What do you see, hear, feel and your body overall sense? Let your experience be more than the thoughts in your head.

4. Limit your news and social media intake.

Too much news and social media leads to anxiety, stress, fear, and sometimes further isolation.  Take in enough information to stay informed, but watch for signs that tell you when you’ve had enough.  Some signs include feeling fidgety, agitated, and/or overwhelmed.  When you notice any of these things walk away from the news source and engage in one of the tips mentioned here. You can also call a friend, write in a journal about how you are feeling, or get up and clean something around your living space. Again, find something that works for you.

5. Mindfulness/Meditation.

Mindfulness/meditation has been proven to have amazing healing benefits for your body; physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Especially in this time of disconnection mindfulness/meditation allows you to connect to yourself, the most vital connection of all.  You can find mindfulness/meditation apps on your phone and online.  One free phone app that I use is “Serenity: Guided Meditation & Mindfulness.”

6. Be gentle with yourself.

Often times when you are feeling anxiety, depression, stress, fear, or hopelessness you tend to experience yourself in a negative way and may partake in a bit of negative self-talk.  I encourage you to become mindful of how you are relating to yourself during this time and ask yourself “Is this really true or is this what I perceive to be true?”  You see, they are two different things.  Most of the time what negativity we are experiencing and saying about ourselves is the perceived truth and not THE truth.  Practice gentle kindness toward yourself as you would toward a friend and loved one.  Be gentle with yourself.  You are doing the best that you can!

Healing Journey - a Bad Road in the Majestic Mountains

You’ve heard the healing process referred to as a journey.  “Your healing journey”, sounds nice doesn’t it?  I think of a journey as having adventure, seeing and experiencing new and exciting things, and a multitude of photos.  As a therapist this is not the experience I see reflected in my client’s healing process.  Their experience resembles a different kind of journey.  One that takes them to the darkest parts of their life as well as the most beautiful.  Their healing journey is full of the unknown.  It follows no set schedule, has very few rest stops, and holds their hopes, fears, wounds, and exposes their worth. I think the healing journey is like traveling a bad road in a majestic mountain range. It’s not for the faint of heart, but it is for the hurting, the tired, and those desiring change.  While the journey holds many difficult challenges, it also holds moments of wonder, joy, contentment, and connection.  These are the things we are meant to experience which makes the journey worthwhile. 

I believe there are things needed when going on a journey.  A healing journey is no different.  The two things best suited for a healing journey are patience and compassion. These tools allow you to visit the sight of your wounding without blame.  To see yourself for who you were meant to be and experience who you really are. Patience, for the multitude of emotions and feelings that will rush forward, and the time needed to experience and process these feelings.  Compassion, for what you experienced and will experience, to honor your healing process.  The powerful and stable force of patience and compassion will keep you upright while facing the painful wounds of your life.  Without them, blame, judgement, and fear may weigh you down to the point it feels like you cannot breathe or move.  Patience creates the space for compassion to work; applying its salve into your worn-out body and mind.    

The words patience and compassion are often thought of in “pretty” terms.”  I see these words much differently.  They have grit and are the heavy lifters on the journey, and without them it’s nearly impossible.  The healing journey is not graceful and smooth like many believe.  This journey visits the places of your wounding where fear, anxiety, disconnection and grief reside.  Think of the healing journey like it’s the worst road you’ve ever driven.  Now imagine driving that road without four-wheel drive and guardrails in a majestic mountain range.    Without four-wheel drive, getting through the mountains is impossible, without the guardrails you risk driving off the road. This is what the healing journey would look like without patience and compassion. 

If you’re considering embarking on a healing journey be aware that there are moments of pain, and great places of self-acceptance.  What a powerful journey!  A good companion and guide for this journey is a qualified therapist. When going it alone it’s not easy to see the things that are hurting or assisting your process.  A good therapist can recognize these things while working alongside you in an environment of curiosity, reflection, and respect.  Whether you are already on the healing journey or considering it, I honor you and your process.  Take Good Care.

Your thoughts/questions are welcome in the comment box below.

Click on the title of the song and enjoy! Everyone could use a pick me up from time to time. I hope this finds you in a place of self acceptance and growth. Take Good Care!

Check out this beautiful TEDtalk on a new way to see addiction

Everything you know about addiction is wrong

This TedTalk is one of my all time favorites.  Jackson Katz shows how the use of language can make such a huge difference in how we experience women and violence.  He also calls on men to take up the cause, because, as he tells it, violence against women is not a women's issue - it's a men's issue.  

https://www.ted.com/talks/jackson_katz_violence_against_women_it_s_a_men_s_issue?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

This TedTalk is powerful.  Susan David speaks about the truth of what it means to be human.  She talks about the necessity of all of our emotions and not just the "good" ones. 

Knowing how to listen to yourself isn’t easy.  At any given time, running around in your head, there are a multitude of opinions and thoughts vying for your attention. These opinions and thoughts make up a cacophony of voices.  The voices chatter all kinds of things – constant criticizing, blame for someone else’s pain, you’re not good enough, you’re too good, it’s not your fault, you’re amazing, you’re horrible… So on and so forth.

With all this noise, how do you know how to listen to yourself?  How do you even know it’s you talking and not someone else’s voice from the past or present?

Shel Silverstein wrote a poem called “The Voice” that is perfect in addressing these questions.  The answer is in the word whispers.  The Voice – your voice, is steady, calm, and whispers your truth with confidence and clarity.  The other voices shout to get your attention.  They make demands, are urgent, and confuse.  When they become too loud take the time to pause and check in with your voice.  Listen for the steady whisper that has been there all along. 

The Voice

There is a voice inside of you

That whispers all day long,

“I feel that this is right for me,

I know that this is wrong.”

No teacher, preacher, parent, friend

Or wise man can decide

What’s right for you – just listen to

The voice that speaks inside.

-      By Shel Silverstein

Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we’ll ever do – Brene Brown

Vulnerability, truth, healing, and growth are such pretty words, but living them is a whole other story.  The truth is - healing, growth, and vulnerability are not pretty and I've not met anyone, including myself, who does it gracefully.  It's a messy business.  So, when I came across this quote by Brene Brown I had to share it.  Be gentle and kind to yourselves as you muck around on your journey of healing and growth.